Saturday, 23 May 2026

The Farm (1984, Laurence James)

 


Laurence James is an author who I'm probably guilty of overlooking. Partly because he was best known for hippie era SF, which isn't really my thing, and partly because he used so many pen names. It's easy to forget that 'Mick Norman' who wrote all those Hells Angels novels, is also 'James Darke' of the Witchfinder General inspired 'The Witches' series, as well as 'Jonathan May' of the rival Confessions book series. Whatever name he was using that week and whatever genre he was working in though, I’ve found that you're always in entertaining hands with Laurence James.


Here James steps into the guise of 'Richard Haigh' and gives the likes of Guy N. Smith and James Herbert a run for their money with this prime piece of 1980s paperback horror in which an isolated farmhouse in Wales comes under attack from carnage loving pigs. Not willing to put all his eggs in the one basket, James expands this from being a mere killer pigs vehicle. Since The Farm also trots out lethal dogs, cannibalistic rabbits, malicious goats, cows seeking martyrdom and suicidal geese. All putting aside their differences to gang up against the human race and seek revenge after their water supply was contaminated by dangerous chemicals.

Speaking of Guy N. Smith, I suspect this book was doing a little bit more than encroaching on his literary territory. In fact there seems to be a fascinating, hidden layer of Guy N. Smith references in this book. The main protagonist Paul is a city boy who was made the dramatic lifestyle change of decamping to a farm in rural Wales- as Guy N. Smith had done in real life. Paul's brother Richard works in a bank- an occupation Smith had held prior to becoming a full time writer. Richard's wife is called Jean- which is the name of Guy N. Smith's wife. Jean and Richard have two children, a boy and a girl who are in their early teens- and did the Smiths (technically they actually had a boy and two girls). Paul is also harbouring the secret that he used to write erotic fiction for top shelf magazines- as did Guy N. Smith back in the 1970s. It's way too much to have been a mere coincidence. Smith did lend a front cover quote to James's horror novel Paradise Lost "mind blowing terror from a talented new horror writer". So I assume those two were mates, and these clandestine GNS references should be interpreted as a good natured poke in the ribs.

Although it has never really attained the iconic status of The Rats, Night of the Crabs or Slugs, in many ways The Farm is the absolute embodiment of the 1980s British horror paperback. It's simplistic, relatively short on page count, delivers crowd pleasing scenes of people falling foul of bloodthirsty animals and is shameless in its perversity. If you think Guy N. Smith was often guilty of inserting troubling sexual elements into his horror books, then Laurence James wants you to hold his beer. Come for the killer pigs, stick around to be disturbed by the behavior of an underage Welsh nympho called Gwyneth, who is anyone's for a top up to her pocket money. I dare say that after meeting a girl like Gwyneth, a Welshman need never look longingly at a sheep again. For some reason James chooses the scene in which Gwyneth and another character break the sexual taboo of incest, to go overboard not only in terms of sexual descriptions but also in terms of product placement. I doubt The Mirror newspaper, Robertson's Marmalade or Toyah Willcox were grateful for having their wares plugged in that context.

It could be argued that back in the morally bankrupt 1980s, books like this were being passed around the playgrounds by boys who would have been roughly the same age as Gwyneth, to whom she'd no doubt have been something of a fantasy figure. Still the Gwyneth aspects to the book are pretty sordid even for that era and don't exactly show James's character in the greatest light, for a while there it really does feel like he's writing jerk off material for Jimmy Savile. In another example of this book time stamping itself to the era, it is such a quintessentially British and 1980s thing for the unnatural relationship in this book to get discovered thanks to a trade union dispute (you'll have to read the book yourself to discover how, it's priceless). Perhaps that was another of James's Guy N. Smith in-jokes, trade union activity being one of Smith's bete noires.

Laurence James always comes across as being a little bit more hip and in touch with popular culture than your average paperback writer back then. I seem to recall his Hells Angels books including Michael Moorcock references, name checking Roger Corman and general having a satirical, underground sensibility to them. As we venture into the 1980s, The Farm proves that James still had his finger on the pulse when it came to what the kids were into. James needle drops songs by Madness, Fun Boy Three and Ian Dury into these pages. I especially liked that when it came to Dury, James didn't go for the obvious 'Reasons to be Cheerful' or 'Hit Me with your Rhythm Stick' and instead has a character listening to 'Spasticus Autisticus' on the radio. Which might be another example of Laurence James pulling our leg, since the BBC ban on that song probably meant that Spasticus Autisticus didn't actually receive much radio airplay back then.
We also get a Famous Five reference, which initially seems quite old fashioned in that company, but I suspect James was actually alluding there to the Comic Strip's 'Five Go Mad in Dorset' parody. Especially as he quotes the famous "lashings of ginger beer" line. Which was echoed throughout playgrounds after Five Go Mad in Dorset went out, along with the heavies' blah-blah-blah speeches. I suppose a blah-blah-blah version of The Farm's plot would go ... blah-blah-blah chemical spillage... blah-blah-blah government cover-up... blah-blah-blah Welsh jailbait... blah-blah-blah killer pigs.

James's approach to horror can at times be as unconventional as his choice of Ian Dury songs. He has an eccentric habit of ending chapters on a cliffhanger then jumping forward at the start of the next chapter and only eventually revealing important plot details anecdotally. Something which takes a bit of getting used to. After a literally explosive opening that sees James gleefully reduce schoolchildren, nuns and a chickenhawk photographer to bloody pulp, the book then teases us with a few false starts, slips into darkness with it's jailbait fixation before pulling it's mind out of the gutter and unleashing the swine. Once it gets going through, the book comes out with all guns blazing and The Farm lives up to it's reputation as a better than average example of the paperback equivalent of the Video Nasties. It's the type of book that thrived during the late 70s and early 80s, only for public to grow tired of this sort of horror novel when an influx of below average books flooded the market at the end of the eighties. My suspicion is that had the Video Nasties been left alone they'd have met with a similar fate and the public would eventually have just gotten bored and jaded with an overkill of cheap horror movies on video. However, because the Video Nasties were taken away from us they've achieved legendary status and enjoyed a healthy cult afterlife. Whereas their book equivalents, lacking the allure of forbidden fruit, have tended to fade into obscurity.




Saying that, The Farm was recently republished by Valancourt's Paperbacks from Hell imprint, followed by the news that James's follow up The City (1986) is being republished by a new company called Cardboard Coffin Press. News that is something to squeal about, since buying original copies of those books at the moment seems impossible without remortgaging your house or taking up bank robbing. I can't help but be amused though that in a recent interview one of the Paperbacks from Hell people ruled out republishing Pierce Nace's Eat Them Alive on account that it "veers on the side of bad, bad taste" and is "super duper rapey" (note: that book contains no rape whatsoever) yet they're perfectly happy to republish Welsh incest porn. Kudos to them for putting The Farm back in circulation, but there's some peculiar double standards going on there.

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