After 24 episodes, we know only too well what a cheeky rascal dear Gene can be. So it comes as no surprise then that this episode opens with him playing a prank on his old buddy Mr Parminter by cold calling Parminter and pretending to be a Cockney. The fact that this impersonation is right at the start of this episode means it really catches you off guard and sucker punches you with the mother of all bad accents. Gene actually might be trying to ‘do’ an Australian accent rather than a Cockney one, but I have to confess it is so terrible that I’m at a loss over just what accent Gene was attempting. Whatever the case though, be warned Gene really does out Dick and out Dyke, Dick Van Dyke when it comes to wonky accents.
As to why Gene is messing about with his old china plate Mr Parminter, well it seems Gene has decided to grass himself up. Cunningly adopting a Cockney/Australian accent, he informs Parminter that evidence incriminating ‘that film bloke Gene Bradley’ can be found at a certain London wharf. Under normal circumstances Parminter might have been dismissive about some anonymous caller trash talking Gene, but the magic word in that conversation is ‘wharf’, and my God we all know how much The Adventurer is sweet on shooting at those locations. So, it’s off to yet another stunningly unattractive docklands, where to his horror Parminter discovers that Gene appears to be in the business of shipping arms overseas. A crate bearing Gene’s ‘29, Westminster Mews’ address on it is revealed to contain dozens of machine guns. A discovery that sends the police straight round to Gene’s abode….remarkably really, considering that the number on Gene’s door suggests he actually lives at 20, Westminster Mews rather than number 29.
Incidentally the fictional ‘Westminster Mews’ is in reality Princess Gate Mews in South Kensington. Chez Gene was actually available for rental until recently, although sadly a silver Chevrolet and a bitchy, drunk butler weren’t part of the deal. More details here.
Mr Calloway is a Very Cautious Man was the second of three Adventurer episodes directed by Barry Morse, and like Morse himself comes across as well meaning and socially conscious. Morse the actor becomes a mouthpiece for Morse the director as Mr Parminter strongly rails against the arms trade and the unethical nature of the people who profit from it. As you might expect from an episode that was directed by an actor, Mr Calloway is a Very Cautious Man does have more dramatic weight and interest in character development than your average Adventurer episode. There is Gene’s fall from grace as he is arrested, hauled up in court and then lawyers up, as well as the disillusionment of Mr Parminter himself. The sight of a crestfallen looking Parminter as he briefly makes eye contact with Gene in court is far more emotionally affecting than you’d ever expect an Adventurer episode could be. This is a far more serious Mr Parminter than we’ve come to expect, as he wrestles with a sense of personal betrayal, whilst trying to act as Gene’s consciousness reminding him that “you just put the guns into terrorists’ hands”. I’d wager that this was an issue that Barry Morse really did have strong feelings about. This episode has a real fire in its belly when it comes to condemning arms dealing. Mr Parminter’s passionate disapproval of Gene’s ‘secret life’ being echoed by Gene’s surprisingly ethical defence lawyer Ingrid (Toby Robins) who suggests he should drop the arms shipment into the sea and reminds him that arms dealing is “a business most decent people shy away from”.
Of course, we the audience are slightly clued up on the fact that ‘Gene the arms dealer’ is all an act, but the onscreen characters are left in the dark for a lot longer as Gene goes about reinventing himself as a complete bastard. “I pleaded guilty to being a businessman, to making a profit” complains an unrepentant Gene. As part of his ruthless, uncaring capitalist guise, Gene gets all fashion conscious too. When the arresting officer tells Gene to get his coat, Gene prissily harrumphs “don’t you like this one” then later when he is asked to don dark glasses asks “do these do anything for me?”
Gene’s real motivation for passing himself off as an arms dealer is to entrap real arms dealers, who take the bait and reach out to him during his court case. The scalp that Gene is especially after being that of George Calloway (Freddie Jones) a notoriously elusive arms dealer who has managed to operate for several decades despite having been seen by few people. Laying eyes on Mr Calloway is no easy task, since…. Mr Calloway is a Very Cautious Man (characters say this episode’s title so many times that it effectively doubles as its unofficial catchphrase). Eventually a face to face meeting with Calloway is arranged, but only in the most cloak and dagger circumstances imaginable. Calloway’s contact with the outside world being through the law firm of Stopford and Graham, whilst in order to meet the man himself Gene has to be blindfolded and driven to a rendezvous.
Quite why it takes Mr Parminter so long to figure out that Gene is just pretending to be a bad guy again is anyone’s guess. Especially as Gene had tried the same scheme back in the episode ‘Target’ whose arms dealer villain hid behind a similar front. In ‘Target’ that front was a ‘legit’ business partner, while here it is a law firm. Mr Calloway even echoes the villain of Target, by having a secretary (Nancie Wait) who is played by a cast member of ‘Au Pair Girls’. Nancie Wait’s appearance in this episode taking the number of Au Pair Girls cast members who have appeared in this series up to five. In fact, the only ‘Au Pair Girl’ who didn’t get the call to be in The Adventurer was Me Me Lai, despite Lai being no stranger to ITC shows, having been in two Jason King episodes. Maybe it was the height thing that saw Me Me Lai being ruled out of an Adventurer role. After all, with Gene having now chased the Hungarian giantess off the show an appearance by a Burmese giantess was likely to have gone down like a lead balloon. Not that there is a great deal to envy about Nancie’s role in this episode, which mainly consists of looking confused as various people barge past her on the way to Calloway’s office. Compared to Gabrelle Drake and Astrid Frank, Nancie did rather draw the short straw when it came to Adventurer roles. Although as Nancie amusingly pointed out to me recently she did get paid a chunk of money for playing a secretary in The Adventurer, despite having zero secretarial skills at the time. Skills that she’d later acquire, when she actually became a secretary after giving up acting several years later.
This episode might have a bigger axe to grind about arms dealing than ‘Target’ but it is never at the expense of becoming dull and preachy. You can almost pin-point the precise moment that Morse realised it was time to move off the soapbox and deliver the goods action-wise. Indeed, Gene just seems to decide he was on a hiding to nothing with the arms dealer guise, and blows his cover by beating up Calloway’s heavies then demanding they reveal the whereabouts of Calloway’s hideout. As Parminter is joyously quick to point out “you’re starting to behave like the Gene Bradley I used to know”. Since the gloves are now well and truly off, the rest of the episode pits the now reunited Gene and Mr Parminter against Calloway’s heavies, who attempt to do away with them by fixing the brakes on Gene’s car. Considering the importance that plugging Chevrolets has been to this series, it comes as a shock to see Gene’s silver Stingray being trashed in this episode. A near blasphemous act by this series’ standards that only adds to the creeping sense that the end is nearly nigh for The Adventurer.
This episode’s heart is in the right place, and Mr Calloway is a Very Cautious Man does confirm the idea of Barry Morse being an all-round good egg. If I’m being honest though Mr Calloway is a Very Cautious Man is merely an effective filler episode. It’s far from being the worse the series has to offer, but it is not the type of episode you’d use as a way of getting an Adventurer novice hooked on the series either. Mr Calloway is a Very Cautious Man is also brought down a couple of notches by the distracting fact that on in least two occasions here, Gene’s mouth opens and yet the voice we hear belongs to a completely different person. When Gene tells Calloway “20 per cent in cash, the balance deposited into my Swiss account”, then later tells Parminter “I have to help sometimes…” Gene’s ‘voice’ is provided by a person who isn’t even trying to sound like Gene Barry. Indicating that someone screwed up the audio recording on this episode and Gene wasn’t around to re-dub his voice… either that or Gene is meant to have fallen victim to demonic possession during the course of this episode. Maybe Mr Parminter should have called out Max Von Sydow. It’s tempting to put the diabolically bad ‘is it meant to be Cockney or Australian’ accent Gene was sporting at the start of this episode down to demonic possession too…but c’mon you can’t blame Satan for everything.
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